Be a hero, friends.

Lately it seems like the end of the world is near; with all the wars, bloodshed, hate, pride, abuse, natural disasters, the poisoning of the earth, and all of the absolute evil happening daily in this world. Its easy to feel helpless and hard to feel hopeful in such times as these. I want you all to know that I love you and I know how you feel. I always thought my soft heart and being an emotional person and caring too much was a curse because with those things came so much hurt and and anxiety, but that so-called curse is also my biggest strength in this life because I have the power to do a lot of good in this world and help a lot of people. I want to make this world a brighter place because of me. I always loved Sailor Moon and Buffy the Vampire Slayer growing up because it was all about badass women doing their part in the world, they were fighting for good on the daily. I wanted to be such a hero. I’d sacrifice myself for another in a heartbeat. I truly believe in real evil my friends but I also believe in the good and the charitable and all those special souls who’d give their life for someone else. They deserve your hope. I love the quote from Mr. Rogers, "When I was a boy and saw the scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' Fear is thrown at us on a daily basis, but eventually fear will lose. Fortunately, I consider myself a pretty fearless person...except for spiders and baby corn. Put me in the amazon rain forest and i'll swim carefree in the water, ill go hanggliding over Rio de Janeiro and go on one of the world's most dangerous hikes in China and through all of this i'll be on cloud 9, but throw a spider at me and i'll break down into a hysterical, karate-chopping mess. The point is, stop focusing on the bad and dwelling on the dark, negative things in this world. Try to focus on the helpers, the good people, the heroes. You can actually train your brain to be more optimistic and happy by doing this. So take that step towards being a hero and a light in someone's life and be the difference in the world. Be brave friends. Take a second to realize you need to really look at yourself and love yourself and give yourself some credit. Only a group of like-minded people can save the world, and, in my opinion, your single decision to do and be good is actually helping save the world. You are a hero. <3

My newest obsessions!

SO! 1) 21 Pilots -I'm so obsessed with this band! I never got into them until recently and that's seriously all i've been playing lately. I highly recommend listening to this band; i'm convinced the lead singer is a genius, he is so talented and obviously puts a lot of thought and feeling into his song writing and the style of his music is so creative and innovative and he loves to mix genres. Pretty much every single song speaks to me. I love them so much that when someone tells me they don't care much for them I get offended lol, ok not really but like i figure if their music strikes such a chord within me how could it not do that to someone else? Yeah, like I said, a little obsessed. <3

2) Adult Coloring Books -So I splurged on these cool adult coloring books and I learned that coloring is surprisingly therapeutic, "better than xanax" is how someone put it. It's a good creative outlet for sure!

3) India -India is my next travel destination!! Hopefully next fall <3

4) An Ember in the Ashes -SUCH a good book, if you love to read you need to read this!...I literally just read all night long.

Amsterdam!!! ...and some of Munich

What a crazy last few days! The good kind of crazy, not the bad kind haha! Wow Amsterdan absolutely took my breath and stole my heart. Seriously the city is near perfect in my eyes. Bicycles and canals and bridgesand beautiful dutch buildings. The vibe of Amsterdam is invigorating and strangely comforting. Its both eccentric and quaint. The streets are the most beautiful things ever. The people there are actually really pleasant and helpful, a lot calmer than what you'd think for people who love in a city with legal pot and prostitution. Ahhh so many moments when I thought to myself, wow i could see myself living here.

So Day 1 when Cali and I met up with the group for our official tour was amazing: we went to the Anne Frank house where her and a few others had hidden. The stairs were extremely steep and it was the weirdest feeling going behind the hidden hole in the wall and being in the rooms that were the setting of her diary. After that we went on a few boats and cruised the canals of Amsterdam. Our two drivers happened to be drunk and/or stoned so we kept running into other boats and things haha. That night we also went to Dam square and played with the pigeons and then went on a tour of the Red Light District which was actually very interesting.

On Day 2 we all went on a bike tour of Amsterdam and the outskirts of Amsterdam. The dutch countryside is beautiful and its hard to capture all of the beauty in a mere photograph. We saw some lovely windmills and older buildings. The rest of the day we just kind of did our own thing and wandered the pretty streets and discussed life.

It was day 3 when we left our hostel and traveled to Frankfurt, Germany for half a day which i wisely used to catch up on sleep all day and night. Early this morning we got on another bus and spend hours traveling to Munich, Germany via bus. Wow. Just listening to music with the sun shining, staring out the window, taking in the beautiful forests and scenery of rural Germany, was enough to make me tear up. It was a beautiful experience. After a few hours we stopped at Dachau Concentration camp, a half hour outside of Munich. It was eerie walking through the gas chambers and past the old locations of the barracks. It was intense. After that we all went on a walking tour of Munich and learned all about old Bavaria and Hitler and the Nazis, AND after that we went to a beer hall, but not just any beer hall...it was the same one where the Nazi party was born. Crazy to think about huh! Most of the group drank bavarian beer and enjoyed good music. Good times man! It is now about time for me to go to bed so until next post, see ya!

Rome, Italy

I've been meaning to do this but honestly i've been so busy I haven't really had a chance! Since I can't sleep in on my vacation for some reason (grrr), I have a couple hours to kill while I wait for everyone else to get up. I'll start with the plane to Rome!

Our first flight went great, I got some sleep which never really happens for me on flights so that was really cool. We sat next to a guy about our age who was traveling solo to Greece and he had been everywhere! Our connecting flight to Rome was less enjoyable...Cali started puking nonstop on the plane into bag and when we finally landed and got off the plane, she was still going at it and was super pale and out of it and couldn't do much of anything, which meant I had to get all our luggage and get some Euros and find us a cab. Well the bumpy road just kept getting worse. When we finally made it to the hostel we had already paid for, we were told it was no longer in business! So Cali and I stopped at a couple different hotels trying to get a room, and they were all full! Oh and btw, the Italians in Rome were SO mean! Very unpleasant bunch. So anyhoo, Cali couldn't walk anymore and was still puking so I left her and our luggage in the lobby of another hotel and went to scout the city for an available room. By this time i'm tired, sweaty, and so ready to just relax. Luckily I found us a room and after a nap we both felt a bit better.

That night we went to the Trevi Fountain...but it had no water in it! It was like under construction and they had these walls up. Well, me and Cali threw a coin in anyway haha. We also went to see the Colosseum that night and even though it was dark it was wonderful to walk around it and imagine the gladiators and bloodthirsty crowds. We had pizza that night (of course!) and I ate nearly a full pizza to myself, it was THAT good.

The next day me and Cali woke up early and went inside the Vatican. The museums were absolutely breathtaking! Unfortunately I wasn't able to take pictures in the Sistine Chapel but wow it was amazing and didn't disappoint. After that we walked out to head to St. Peter's Cathedral, which was honestly one of my favorites in Rome! The place is huge and seems to just keep going, and wow every sight I saw was impossibly more beautiful than the last. I could've spent hours in there, definitely a place of holiness. After some gelato we went to an ATM in one of the banks and it stole my freaking card!! I was a nervous wreck for like 3 hours until they finally got it back for me. Geez...what a crazy start to my adventure in Europe!

I think that's all for now, but next post will be on Amsterdam and WOW do I have much to say!

Life ramblings

Well, shit. Here I am thinking about a million different things, feeling like I’m crazy with all these thoughts racing and crashing in my head. At this point where I don’t know up from down and right from left. Hitting rock bottom isn’t always what you think it to be, sometimes it’s just a feeling of being in limbo. A limbo you can’t escape from. You explore every single area of your own head, analyzing and trying to figure out what it all means. You go through the motions, not completely aware of the world around you, in a zombie state. And yet you’re just hoping and praying that one day someone will throw a bucket of water over you and you’ll wake up and just be aware of it all. Antidepressants and antianxiety medications are great and all but they are numbing. Insecurities and self-doubts and inner demons always find their way into my thoughts, poking and prodding me all at once, sometimes intensified to such a degree that you can’t help but be changed forever. I envy those who have a close group of friends that accept and love all that they are, because I wasn’t really blessed with that. Of course I have some amazing friends and family but sometimes I feel like in order to get through this life I’m going to have to stand on my own two feet alone against the gates of hell. I can’t risk the chance of believing someone else will be there fighting by my side, unfortunately. I’ve already died and risen from my ashes time and time again and somehow I’ve got to keep finding that inner fight. Life is a crazy ride.

Europe or bust!!!

Wow so I guess I’m going to Europe! Haha! Honestly with my bills and obligations I didn’t see it happening for awhile but then I got to thinking about it and traveling is my passion and so, just like the other two times I’ve traveled, I just got online and researched what I wanted and booked a 16 day trip to Europe this September! I’m so excited!

I’ll land in Amsterdam and get to stay there for 4 days and get to see the Anne Frank House and just explore the city!

On Day 5 ill Travel to Frankfurt, Germany where I’ll meet up with one of my best friends Nicole who lives there with her growing family!

Day 6 ill Travel to Munich and have the whole day to explore the city!

Day 7 In Munich, Germany we will get to go see Neuschwanstein Castle!

Day 8 I’ll travel from Austria to VENICE!!! Ill have the whole day to explore.

Day 9 I’ll go on a sightseeing tour of Venice with a local guide and go see St. Mark’s Square and then have more free time to explore this beautiful city! And you bet your ass I’m going on a gondola ride!!

Day 10 We’ll travel from Verona to the Lucerne Region of Switzerland and get the whole day to explore and do whatever we want.

Day 11 I’ll be seeing the highlights of Lucerne, as well as travel up to the Swiss Alps!

Day 12 I’ll take a train from Zurich to PARIS, FRANCE!!! That day we will go see Notre Dame Cathedral, the Eiffel Tower, and go on an evening Seine river cruise.

Day 13 Paris, France- I’ll get to see the Louvre Museum, Versailles, the Paris Catacombs!!!

Day 14- Train to London and then get the whole day to explore! During this time I plan on going to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter and then go on one of the famous ghost tours of London!

Day 15- London, England- I’ll be going on a sightseeing tour of London by a local guide, seeing sights like Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, etc. The farewell dinner is later in the evening but I’ve actually told them I’ll be staying an extra day or two so that I can see Stonehenge and Oxford and meet up with some friends who live in London!

Ahhhh I cant wait!!! J

Update

My adventures are far from done. I’m 25, single, and in the process of becoming a first-time home owner! I’m trying to focus on paying off past debts, which has been going fairly well. I have paid off $4,000 thus far this year of 2015 and even though I have a ways to go I feel like I’ve definitely improved upon my spending habits and am on the right track now with finances. Other things I have been doing…being Maid of Honor for my best friend and planning her bridal shower and bachelorette party, becoming an ItWorks! Independent Distributor, and still working as an RN at the nursing home!