One Day at a Time.

So I’ll just get right down to it: Today was miserable; it was the most emotionally exhausting day I’ve had in quite some time and I kinda sorta had a mini meltdown at school. As most of you know (the ones who follow my blog at least), I’m in my final year of nursing school before I get my RN. This has been a goal of mine since before I can remember and I’ve worked really hard to get to where I am now. I had tried to prepare myself for starting school again, but I’m three weeks into the school year and I just haven’t been myself lately; I can’t focus, some of the material I’m being taught goes through one ear and out the other, and I’m lacking confidence in my clinical skills. I just feel like I’m really behind on everything and I’ve been lacking both energy and that self-motivation of mine that I usually pride myself on. The stress has been building up for awhile now and has been affecting me both physically and mentally…and today just so happened to be the day that was, as they say, “the straw that broke the camel’s back”.

                Those who know me know how hard I am on myself when it comes to just about anything and everything. If I don’t understand a certain concept right away or if I get just one problem wrong on a certain test that you fail if you get anything less than 100%, I automatically start doubting myself and I consider myself inadequate and not good enough. When stuff like this happens I usually TRY (key word) to just get through it and hope that tomorrow will be a better day. I like to consider myself a tough gal who can handle her own problems and rise above it all, but today I wasn’t so strong and ended up having that mini meltdown I mentioned at school. It was pretty embarrassing actually, and to make things even worse it was the longest day of school I have for the week (8:30AM-5PM).  

                What started off as a miserable day, however, turned out to be an “I’m doing okay” day. I’m blessed with family and friends who are both loving and supportive and are always there when I need them. I can always count on someone to cheer me up and make life seem a little more bearable. Sometimes I think that if I can’t handle my own problems then I must be a weak person…but, then I have to remind myself that’s just me being hard on myself again. The Dalai Lama tells us that it is the very act of struggling that ultimately results in our strength, and to not be afraid to lean on people during times of weakness because doing so actually makes you a stronger person. So today I’m going to recuperate; I’ll read a book just for fun, and not a textbook to study. I’ll listen to some 311 and try and meditate and pray.  I’ll cuddle with my dog and watch a funny movie (or maybe a horror movie, because those make me happy too hehe). I’ll eat LOTS of chocolate and text a cute boy. Maybe I’ll go on a walk with a friend and vent or spend time with my mom. I know I can get through this I just have to stay positive and take one day at a time.